Hi Ho, Hi Ho... It's back to work we go!

The past two weeks were full of ups and downs. I started off strong and kinda went downhill from there. Like I said before, I was excited to be back at work, but then I would feel guilty for wanting to go back to work... THEN I'd feel really sad that I wasn't the one taking care of my own baby. But for now... being a working mommy is what's best for us at the moment. And actually, one reason why we decided I HAVE to go back was so that I can apply to this federal program that pays off teacher student loans if they work in a Title One school for five years. So, I'll finish off the year and hope that that gets approved!

 

But anyway, we'll start with the first Monday and leaving the baby to the Nanny. That morning I had realized that this would be the first time in almost a YEAR that I was going to be away from Sara for more than two hours!!! (I'm counting her being in my belly obviously) Lucky for me, Jason was told to go into work later that day, and I left her with him instead of the nanny. It made it a smidge easier to say good-bye. However, she decided to cry her eyes out right before I was heading out the door and that was the first time I broke down! It was a good first day back though. The kids were happy to see me, and I was happy to have a different routine. The bad and ugly part of the day was realizing that the kids were acting like they had been at the beginning of the year and realizing that I wasn't going to be able to just jump right in and pick up where we left off. We had to get use to each other once again. This week was a good week to come back. Wednesday was the awards assembly, Thursday we took a field trip to Santa Barbara to watch the movie Frozen AND to meet the two directors, and Friday was the Spelling Bee. By Friday, the kids and I finally remembered how we use to do things and we are back in our groove. The second week was a little more rough. Even though it was a four day week, I just seem to walk around like a teacher zombie sometimes. And don't even get me started on how grumpy holidays make me... and with a lack of sleep, it was 5 times worse. One of my girls gave me a very uplifting card. It was really sweet. She thanked me for coming back and said it must be hard to leave the baby but to remember that Sara still loves me and she's happy that Sara will share her mommy with 27 students. It was precious. So.... I WILL make it; it's just going to be very hard.

Field Trip!

 

She now has Draco the Dragon now too!

Things I have learned about being a teacher:
1. 5th graders are like my baby. They show signs of what they want and if I give them the attention they need early... Then they'll be less likely to act crazy! Now... It's just hard to work on giving them the attention they need when there is so much more to do.
2. My "pregnancy brain" has not gone away and I have to work a lot harder to remember things and to come up with things on the spot like I was good at before.
3. Just because I had a baby doesn't mean I am just warm and cuddly. I still have high expectations and expect the kids to work hard to reach them.
4. Pumping at work SUCKS! I only get two breaks and have to use them to pump in a cold bathroom where the light goes off if I don't move around.
5. All in all... I've realized how much I like my job! So it's up in the air what I will do for next year.

 

The grey twins

Every day after school, it was so awesome to leave school and come home to my little squishy face baby! One thing I was not expecting was how much work I was going to be doing after school. It's like all those little things I would do while she was asleep... now I had to do after a long day's work. It's exhausting! And Jason and I switch off on baby duty in the evening while the other one is cooking or cleaning up... so it feels like we never get to actually spend good time with one another! There was one night where Sara hadn't gone to sleep yet, so I got out our Pillow Pet Glow Light (Which is a ninja turtle) and turned in on in our room where it was dark. It shoots colored stars onto the ceiling and Sara LOVES to watch them. So I laid her on the bed and watched them with her, and then Jason came and found us and we had a really nice 20 minutes all together... just sitting in the dark watching the stars. It was the best moment ever. I can't wait for more days like that.

 

Happy girl!

Things I have learned about being a mommy:
1. I cherish EVERY moment with Sara; even if I have to wake her up (and make her grumpy) before I head off to work
2. It's hard not being able to sleep as much as you use to. Getting up at 5:30 SUCKS!
3. It's hard having someone else take care of your precious little one.
4. Coming home is great... but sometimes I feel like ALL I do is clean up after that day and start preparing for the next! I still have yet to figure out an easier way to cook and clean dinners, so that Jason and I can actually spend time with each other in the evenings.
5. Making your baby smile can brighten ANY day!
6. I have to ask for help! I'm not the kind of person who likes to do that, but I've realized that if I don't, I become a monster and hate on everything. PLUS I don't get my cuddle time in because I'm too busy thinking I have to do everything by myself.  
7. I LOVE WEEKENDS! They are both reviving and I get to take care of my baby like it should be! 

This is how I try to work and cuddle at the same time!

I was telling someone the other day, when they asked how it was going being back at work, that it's just a new part of life I have to get use to. I feel like that's all my life is now! I had to get use to be being pregnant, then I had to get use to being a mom and having a baby in the house... and now I have to get use to being a working mom and letting someone else help raise her! It's hard, but I guess it's life. I'm very thankful for this three day weekend! Plus, Nina and Papa are in town!!! They finally get to play with the baby without her crying too much! haha I guess that's all for now.

10 Weeks!

It's a cliche... I know; but I really can't believe it's been ten weeks since I was pushing this little baby girl out into the world! So much has changed and even though most of the change has been so much fun... there are some things I wish I could get rid of.

The most frustrating thing... PANTS! My body is weird and different, and my pants just don't fit like they use to! I'm pretty much back at my pre-pregnancy weight again; but the pants are super frustrating. THEN... when I went to go try on new ones, it makes me even more frustrated! The size I wear gives me a muffin top, but fits perfect everywhere else and the size bigger stuffs my muffin top and hides it... but they just look ridiculous on the rest of me! Grrrrrr! I know, I know... it's only been two months, but as I get ready to go back to work, I want to be comfortable (and who am I kidding.. I want to look GOOD), but seeing as I can't wear sweatpants to work every day... I NEED PANTS THAT FIT!

She loves to watch the ladybugs! And she's practicing following objects! Woot!

Tummy time! She's pretty good with holding her head up.

Secondly... is the stretch marks. I thought I was going to get through the whole pregnancy without any; and then BAM, out of nowhere in the 34 week time frame, my stomach just blew up. And this is more of just a rant about people... I hate when I ask the question "What can I do to help get rid of the stretch marks?" And people want to tell me to be proud of them, that they're my tiger stripes and proof of what I went through. Well, let me tell you people.... my BABY is proof of what I went through, and why is it so bad to want to get rid of something that I don't want to look at every day. Then people tell that my husband and child will still love me even though I have them... what is that all about? Of COURSE they will; but isn't it okay for me to want to like my own body again? Screw the tiger stripes! I've made so many sacrifices for this baby already, and I'd do it all again if I had too, but, all I want is for the stretch marks to fade. Is that too much to ask people!?!?!

She loves "Ellie" the elephant. She grips onto her like she's the greatest thing in the world!

My super star friend Kelly watched both our kids while I was at the dentist... It's still so precious! ha

Those are the only two rants I have for today. In other news... Sara is jumping into the tenth week of life and she is just getting more and more fun by the day! I'm soaking up every moment I can with her before I head back to work on Monday next week. It's going to be rough. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom... but right now it sounds pretty good. So, maybe after the school year is over... we'll think about trying to create a plan where I can stay home to take care of her. I've been spoiled having this much time off! Don't get me wrong, I'm actually really excited to be back at school too, and to see my other bundles of joy. But it's been fun to take her places, just sit and hold her, play with her, read to her. It's an awesome job to have! I've also gotten into making new dinners! I've been somewhat excited about food! If you know me... you know that I just hate food! We've had some pretty tasty dinners the past couple weeks.

Sara was awake during dinner, so she sat with us!

I just love how she holds her hands when she sleeps!

Jason is working hard again. His duties right now are burning him out, but he's a good little worker man and is plowing through it. With all the extreme budget cuts going on right now in the Air Force, it seems to be putting a little more pressure on the job. He's also working on writing this Historical Fiction story based on a person in his family line. It's about a drummer boy in the civil war; and Jason has been doing A LOT of research for it. He's writing it in the form of a journal and it's fun to see him get all nerdy about history. But it's a nice relaxing hobby for him... it'll probably take him the rest of the year to finish!

This was an hour or two after her shots! She's such a trooper.

We had some fun family outings the past couple weeks. One was to Fess Parker Winery. It's a winery not too far from our house, and it has this huge grassy park area that is surrounded by the vineyard. So we took Sara and some snacks and had ourselves a little picnic. She loved laying around looking at the world around her. It was nice to feel normal again.

Then this past weekend, the surf was pretty high, so we loaded up and went to our favorite cliff area to watch the waves. Then we drove up to the highest point on Vandenberg's land and the view was AAAA-mazing! So we're getting better at picking up and going on little adventures. One of these days we'll brave going to a restaurant... eeeek; it makes me nervous.

So here's to being a stay at home momma; and here's to figuring out how to balance work and motherhood AND life! We'll see how it goes.

Hello 2014!

 The holidays this year were very comforting for our little family. Despite the long drive that took an extra hour and a half, it was SO good to be around our family. It warmed my heart to see them all interacting with our little daughter and showing her so much love. It's fun to see a different side of them all now that we have her. And her big cousin Evelyn just loves her to death. Christmas itself was kind of a disaster. Sara was quite the upset little girl Christmas morning and wanted to cry for hours (like... HOURS) in the early morning. Luckily, when she finally snapped out of it, she got to open her first Christmas present and then Mommy and Daddy got a fun present of their own. We ACTUALLY got to go out and watch a movie! (The Hunger Games... which was amazing btw) This is the major joy of having family around. The evening of Christmas, Sara was much happier and we had a full house with all of us. It was just like old times. I can't wait to make fun memories with Sara and our families in the future. It was really hard to drive back to Vandenberg by ourselves. We definitely have several friends that we have made here that have made this place better, but it's not home. I always pictured us raising kids with one of our families, and it's hard sharing everything she does over the phone. I'm so happy that we have the technology we do so that we CAN share her through pictures, FaceTime and all that, but it's just not the same. I guess that's really one of the sacrifices we gave to have this life of ours.

 But moving on... Sara also had her first New Years. Which Jason and I don't usually make a big deal out of. I think we've both only been up for one midnight celebration, of which we were just watching TV. ha But it's crazy how fast time flies. This year will be my 10 year High School reunion! What the crap? This year, Jason presented the idea of having a Blessings Jar. This jar was used last year as his Anniversary present to me. He filled it with love notes and bible verses and I opened a note each week for the whole year until  our next anniversary. He's a sweetie isn't he? So this year instead of taking things OUT, we'll be putting things IN! They will be blessings. Things or people who have blessed us or things we're thankful for and at the end of the year, we'll read them all. It's a pretty good idea if I don't say so myself. I'm excited to see what's in store this year... hopefully not another baby.. HA. I just scared myself with that thought.

 I know I have my monthly Sara update page, but it's fun to share things that have been going on. At the chapel, two of our friends were also pregnant and we all had our babies around the same time. Two boys and our girl, so I made us a Harry potter trio set of onesies. Ron, Harry, and Hermione. It's fun to see our before and after pictures. Sara and I have been going on walks every morning. It's been nice just to be out of the house and to be getting a bit of exercise. We even go out of the cool, foggy mornings. And the last two are of Sara and Daddy. He's so sweet with her... don't let the fork fool you. hehe It's been quite the adventure being a temporary stay at home mama. She drives me a little crazy at times, but by the end of the day when I say "Jason... YOU take her".. all I really want to do it grab her and snuggle with her myself. People use to tell us when we were pregnant "It'll change your life and you'll never know what you ever did without her" Well, for the last 7 weeks I've thought to myself.. "I DO know what I did without her and I liked it!" I was sleeping... eating WITH Jason, and the food was hot, watching TV, going to movies, having my OWN life. Now how selfish does that sound? More recently, I look at her, and I see it. What would I do without her? It's going to be hard to go back to work. Sometimes I feel like it'll be a nice break away from her, and then I think of all those hours I'll be missing of her life and the new things she's going to do when she's away from me that I'll miss. And that makes me sad. So, who knows what will happen for the next school year. But we'll figure it out when we get there.

 Tonight, the lady who is subbing for me and taking care of my kids at school, is going to take care of Sara for us and we're heading out for a delicious night filled with good food... HOT food, made right in front of us. We're re-celebrating our anniversary with a hibachi dinner. Our real anniversary was going to be dinner and a movie on the couch when the baby was asleep. Unfortunately.. she realized we were going to have time to ourselves and cried all night. So that's exciting. It was really something to look forward to! So, we're going to have to make a point for more date nights.

It's amazing how much I can write when the baby is asleep! ;)

Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly photo books offer a wide range of artful designs and embellishments to choose from.

I saw this idea somewhere and I thought it would be SO much fun to put together. This one by far is my favorite photo book I've put together and I just love how it turned out. I think that Sara is going to love looking at it when she's old enough. Hopefully you can view it with no problems. Enjoy our little Birth Story. 

Oh Tidings of Comfort and Joy

 Three weeks tomorrow! I look back at where I was and what I was doing on this night three weeks ago. I remember being very frustrated and exhausted. Low and behold... I still feel that way today. But this time it's a little different. It's more frustration because I've realized how selfish I am. Having a baby really means giving them your all. All your time, all your effort, all your love and affection. Today was a hard day; we're still figuring things out. We're still trying to wrap our heads around being parents and taking care of this little baby, and we're still trying to figure out how we fit into this new life. This evening, we took time to do a little decorating while the baby girl was asleep. We didn't go all out, which normally would make me sad, but this year... our house is cluttered enough! But it was a special time to just spend with Jason again. Just us two, working together and Putting lights and ornaments on the tree and setting up a nativity scene. I love that man with all my heart and I'm so glad to share every moment good and bad with him.

 

Listening to Christmas music, the good stuff... about what Christmas is all about: CHRIST, made me just refocus myself. Through this crazy time, it's all for the glory of God. Little Sara isn't just a reflection of her Mommy and Daddy; she's a reflection of Christ above all. For some reason, it makes me look at Jesus differently. It makes me wonder what type of baby he was. Was he fussy? Gassy? Did he sleep through the night? But really; having a baby now makes me appreciate what Mary did and what she went through. Ultimately, it makes me wonder how God could send his son into the world to be sacrificed for sinners. How could Mary watch that and know that it was all for HIS glory? It's just amazing to me. So, as I sit here, waiting for Sara to wake up at any moment, I just am in awe of God; overwhelmed by how much he loves us; and utterly amazed with the blessings he has given us. I've missed this feeling of JOY in my life and really just feeling God's love and all I want to do tonight is just shout it out.

I thank God for my cousin Julie who really helped me out today. She was very caring, loving, and wise and gave me so much attention and advice in my time of need. I've had so many people just reach out to us whether it be through a text, phone call, bringing food, sending up prayers, or just letting us know they're thinking about us. It's been a really encouragement. And I love my husband for all the effort, time, and support he gives his two "baby girls" (he calls us). Even through the stress and exhaustion, he's so loving and an amazing Daddy and man of God.

I'll leave you with some adorbsy pictures of the little Pumpkin Squash Head! :)

She's holding her head up so well! Super star!