Mama

When I sit and think about what's happening in my life, it's insane to think that in the past two years I've brought, not just one, but TWO little humans into this world. Two little people who call me "Mama." Well... Jordyn doesn't yet I guess, but I'm pretty sure she would really like to.

Right now is the time when I would be slowly coming back to work in my brain and I would see the school supplies on sale at Target and run to buy things I really don't need. Things I just get because they're good sales and they're pretty and new... and they smell good! I just asked a co-worker friend of mine when they go back to work and it's just interesting how I feel about it all. Yes... I think of my old class and I get really sad about now setting up a room and not having things to get ready for the new bunch. Yes... I see things on Pintrest or I think of something really cool that I would love to use to teach my class and I get sad that I won't be doing that. But at the same time... It's oddly freeing in a way that I don't have to do all those things.

 

Now I'm a super "nerdy" person if you will... Maybe "weird" is the better term to use there. But I almost want to get a lesson plan book to map out what I want to do at home each week. I get so excited about all the things I'll get to teach my two little girls. I get excited to think about all the things we've already done and it's amazing to get to be there with Sara when she learns and experiences these new things. And I get to be there for Jordyn's firsts... So far her first smile, her first coo, and her first time experiencing the joy of getting a toy to make noise. I get to be there to watch them grow as sisters and man is that just the most precious thing I could even hope to see.

Being at home has made me realize quite a few things about myself being a mama: 

I actually do like to cook! Now that I kind of have a little time to dive into what that may be, I can prepare some of the dinner while the girls are napping and it just makes life way more easier come dinner time! Now, some of my new findings have been flops, but most have been quite good. I'm even forcing more veggies upon the whole family! I have discovered that Sara really takes a liking to cooking too. She always wants to know what we're cooking and she always wants to see, or "loooook" as she puts it. We got a kitchen set for free on base and it was the best free thing I've found for her. Maybe when she's old enough, SHE'LL be cooking dinners for US!

It's really difficult going places. Sometimes everyone is crying (sometimes myself included) and we just pack up and put our buckles on and GO anyway! And I'm super paranoid about being robbed at my car in parking lots.. so it's a lot more difficult to get in the car as quickly as possible. :/

Like I said before... I love that I get to teach Sara things. The best thing is teaching her about God and the Bible. It's so fun to watch her pray with us and say "Aaaaaa-men!" with her hands thrown up in the air. We've also done swimming lessons, baking, building, reading, ABCs, gardening, changing diapers, taking care of the pigs and of the little sister, going on the potty, bowling, and so much more.

 

The one thing that I have realized as a mama is that I get to teach Sara how to royally screw up... and then how to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes I don't understand why the screaming only happens when Mama is around. Why won't she just sit there and eat her food at the table instead of eating it on the floor while watching Paw Patrol? Why is it she won't let me change her diaper without putting up a fight. Why is it every time I ask her to let me put away her shoes... She freaks out? It's a little much sometimes to always be around those type of problems that always end in tears. It's hard to keep your cool and to keep talking ever so politely. But I love that Sara shows me grace and mercy even when I don't deserve it and when she doesn't really know she's doing it in the first place. Even when I feel like a horrible mother for shouting "Enough!" Or for taking the shoes anyway or for giving a look... She still thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread and will give me a hug and kiss when I tell her how sorry I am.

This job is hard work. It's a whole new world that I have to set my mind to, and I'm excited (and a little nervous, let's be honest...) about what kind of shinganigans we'll get into around here.